Recently, my older sister moved out of the house and to another town because she had taken a new job. Obviously, this means that the entire house needed to be rearranged or redecorated, right? Tonight, I broke out the measuring tape and wondered if the original plan for setting up my “new” room (which ironically used to be my old room) was actually going to work. I kept rearranging furniture and looking up dimensions. It shouldn’t be this complicated. I climbed the stepstool to tie bows in my curtains and either couldn’t reach as far as I’d hoped or they wouldn’t tie off as pretty this time around. This is harder than it looked.
I climbed down the stool and got to thinking, as I folded clothes and turned down the covers on my bed to crawl under them—so is walking through this door that’s right in front of me.
I’m not nervous, that’s not it. I’m not even scared, which is a little unusual for me. Remember? I don’t usually like things that I don’t already know I’m good at. It’s just that, right now, it’s harder than it looked. I didn’t think it was supposed to be this complicated.
I took a deep breath and I could feel the tears begin to fill my eyes. Crying isn’t usually what I do either. I tend to mask my insecurities and hurt feelings with jokes and sly remarks. I’m the one at the funeral home who has everyone else feeling bad for laughing. This time though—is different. This time—as much as I preach “guard your heart”—it feels like that’s what this whole thing is costing me. This time—I’m losing sleep. This time– I’m confident that this is the door; I’m not even questioning it. (Also a big deal for me!) I’m actually really excited about it all! I even got excited about sharing it all with key team players, some of which haven’t even shown up yet. The problem is: it’s not time to open that door just yet and waiting for it is harder than it looked.