About a month ago, after fighting it for well over a year, I uttered words that I can’t stand to say. “I give up.” Those three little words make up my least favorite sentence. Yesterday afternoon, the Lord reminded me of that conversation and assured me that He wasn’t kidding me when He confirmed (again) that He still had my best interests at heart. From that day forward, I have sought His face for just a glimpse of what that whole ordeal is going to look like. I wanted to know how I would know when it got here. Yesterday, He let me catch the glimpse that I have been longing for.
Fresh Linen. That’s the scent I was breathing in when I curled up tight under my sheets, straight from the dryer. I had a feeling that falling asleep would take forever. With that in mind, I opted for a head start. Normally, I’m out with the lights, but last night was different. Last night was different, because of the kind of afternoon I’d had with the Lord. I didn’t know whether to be excited or scared! What I did know is that when I got still, my mind would be racing and it would a while to settle down. Because, indeed, I was a whirlwind of emotions.
9:45—I found myself wishing I had ceiling tiles to count.
10:10—Are you sure You meant me, Lord?
10:11– *cue the Incoming Text chime* Okay, I get it… You’re sure!
10:37—Maybe getting a head start was a dumb idea. What if I’m really bad at it? What if my heart can’t handle continuing to wait until it gets here? Remember when I asked for a glimpse at this part of the plan? I might have just been kidding!
11:04—I got to thinking about a sermon illustration that I’ve heard countless times.
There’s a man stranded on his roof during a flood. He prays and believes that God will rescue him. He looks up to see a boat; the driver offers to take him to safety. “No thanks, God’s going to save me.” A little while later, while praying that God will rescue him, a plane comes along. “No thanks, God’s going to save me.” In utter frustration, not sure of why God wouldn’t want to save him, he cries out to God. God’s reply? “Honey child, I sent you a boat AND a plane. What are you waiting for??”
Talk about a convicted heart! I get it, Lord. Tonight, I am honey child. You have sent me the boat and the plane. I have no idea what I’m waiting on to believe You.
12:22—I rolled over and decided that I will rest in the peace that the Lord keeps trying to give me. I curled up knowing that it’s okay to be a whirlwind of emotion, that doesn’t surprise the Lord at all. He knows very well that’s how He’s wired me. I curled up and took a deep breath of Fresh Linen.
6:00– *cue the alarm* When did I fall asleep?!?!
“I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24b)