Truth be told I spend a lot of time feeling really insecure, so I don’t like to do things I don’t already know I’m good at, especially if you’re watching me. I don’t like to admit that because I’m even insecure about how you’ll take it.
I like to be happy but sometimes I’m just not and, truth be told, I don’t always have a good excuse.
Letting people in has always been a tough one for me and I like to think I’m working on it. Truth be told though, I’m really not. I like the safety that comes from keeping you out.
I tend to know exactly how I feel about everything, but I don’t always say what I’m thinking. (Even if you ask me because, truth be told, I’m afraid of being wrong or looking stupid.)
I can’t be transparent because then you’ll see the mess that I really am and I like to think that you see me as having it all together. Truth be told, I don’t really have anything together and I’m dying to be known. Really known. Not just the version that’s expected of me. I’m finding that I am incredibly tired these days. Tired of feeling closed in and not good enough to play the part for which I’ve been cast in this thing called life. Tired of these feelings of insecurity and tired of feeling under attack. I find myself wanting to just retreat, curl up on the couch, and stay in for a while.
I just don’t know that I’m up for the fight against the Enemy that I feel like I’m always in and, truth be told, I’m exhausted from the questioning that seems to come from me when I try…